AVENGERS GO ON HOLIDAY
by fartinghuman
Summary: Stark has rented an entire village near a lake! The Avengers must live through a holiday together and go through many awesome happenings before Stark's special event. Sorry, I am lousy at summaries but it is way awesomer than this summary. ENJOY.
1. Chapter 1

**Avengers Go on Holiday!**

**A/N I hope this is better than my Avengers Mama Mia fanfic, I don't think it was that good, so I might scrap it or re-write it to seem more like the Avengers instead of Mama Mia. But anyway it was a good start! It would be awesome if I got reviews on this one because the chapters are longer and I've tried to make this funnier than Avengers Mama Mia. Enjoy dudes and dudesses! =D**

**Chapter 1**

The crew were lounging in the usual luxuries of the Stark Tower. Thor was munching on some strawberry pop tarts, Clint, Natasha, Steve and Bruce for that matter were seated awkwardly on the sofa, while the tense quietness was ruptured by Thor and his beloved pop tarts. Soon, Nick got off of his chair and headed towards the bar for a scotch, he had waited too long and started to get a bit p'd off at Stark.

"Where the hell id that tin man?" Nick said in his annoyed voice as he picked up the bottle of drink.

"Heaven knows why he called us all to into here. Come on I've got science to do." Bruce replied cleaning his glasses on his polyester shirt.

Thor spoke through his full mouth, "Well, the man said he was to surprise us," little did he realize he was spitting crumbs all over the place, "hopefully it has nothing to do with any mischievous behaviour from you know who."

Natasha flicked a crumb away from her eyes.

"Hey, do any of you know where Stark keeps his scotch glasses?" Nick requested.

The others ignored the question as Steve announced, "Obviously it has to end in one of his chaotic wild fests he calls _parties_, and it mightn't be that important, considering that he's a bit of a drama king."

Clint sniggered at the thought of Tony wearing a little tiara.

Soon Nick gave up looking for glasses and just sat down and took a swig out of the bottles.

Then at long last Tony came in to the room with his usual sway, with Pepper holding his hand.

It was obvious that he was excited but he was masking it and soon he stood in front of the Avengers. It was kind of like a school assembly moment; Principal Stark, Vice Principal Potts, Mr Fury at the side lines, Thor the jock, Natasha the pretty girl, Clint the troublemaker, Steve the new kid and of course Bruce the science nerd.

"Good morning Mr Stark!" Clint teased, Natasha tried not to laugh.

Stark gave him a sharp look. "Very funny, Robin Hood." But the thing was, Pepper looked just as confused as the others.

Tony dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out a mini velvet box, red in colour for a pepper. He got down on his right knee, held out the box and looked Pepper in the eye. With his thick fingers he slid open the lid and gave his signature _Stark Smirk_ and uttered the words, "Pepper Potts, _Pepsi_, I've been alone for a long time before I met you. You've changed me, well, _a bit_. And so, please, will you be my lovely Mrs Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist Stark?" He clearly wasn't used to marriage proposals.

Happiness spread across her face like wildfire. And so she said, "Yes! And not just for the money!" She laughed and cried at the same time as she received the amazing diamond ring on her bony finger and dashed into his arms, kissing him hard on the lips and stroking his goatee.

It was an emotional time and the Avengers reacted well.

Steve and Bruce stood up and clapped, with smiles of pride worn on their faces.

Maria and Natasha put their hands to their hearts and shared their joy for once.

Clint and Thor took the noisy approach, as the Hawk yelled, "Go Tony!" as for Thor, "Lets celebrate with pop tarts!" While they clapped for the happy couple.

Meanwhile, Fury was in tears, "Its...its...so...beau...tif...ful!" Coulson handed him a hankie, wiping his one good eye and giving a deafening blow of his nose.

JARVIS soon switched on a wedding bells audio, filling the whole building with the wedding atmosphere. "I hear wedding bells Mr and Mrs Stark!" The guys loled and yes, it was all that cheesy. And so the champagne was cracked open, Tony soaked all the Avengers with the liquid, while Thor kept his mouth open, tasting the champagne and was saying, "ANOTHA!"

Pepper had decided to call her parents, "Mom, Dad! I'm getting married!" While on the other side of the phone her mummy was screaming, "David honey, we're gonna be rich!"

And Steve was right... there was a massive party afterwards.

Tony and his new fiance hit the dance floor and soon everyone got absolutely plastered. Even Steve.

Nick soon got up, dragging Coulson with him. He found a large machine with two microphones. Yep, you guessed it right, the classic karaoke session. This was something Nick always did if you were lucky enough to see him blocked. And soon after a bromance version of _Stand By Me, _they had everyone in tears – of laughter.

But then Phil shooed Nick off stage and hit the solo button and played Lady Gaga's _Paparazzi_. Singing the lyrics, he strutted down the room towards Rodgers and stood the bar, crazily dancing in front of him. Coulson ripped off his suit jacket and threw it, hitting Clint up the face. Soon Phil whipped off his tie and started spinning it around like a windmill, Steve was appalled and was going a bright shade of crimson. Natasha didn't want him to strip off any more especially if it was  Coulson, so she had to act fast, for everyone's good.

"PHIL...PHIL!" She had to repeat herself so that she could be heard over the racquet, "This isn't _Coyote Ugly _OK! Now put your jacket back on!"

Phil got off the bar and pinned Steve to the floor, singing right in his face. Steve pulled himself up and ran, while Coulson chased him – bringing the karaoke machine along as well.

"You can't ignore the chemistry between us Cap! WE'RE DESTINED FOR EACH OTHER!"

Natasha raised her hands in defeat, while Clint was filming it all for Youtube.

And so there was more boozing, drunk snogs, horrific dances and Bruce trying hard not to hulk out.

(A) / (A)

The birds were tweeting, the breeze was gently whistling and there was the beautiful sound of an angry man, swearing that would put Gordon Ramsay to shame and a very impatient yellow cab driver.

Steve yawned and stretched his muscular arms and groaned as he felt the aftermath symptoms of a wild night out; the headache etc. He tossed his woolen sheets aside and noticed a mark on his stomach. He looked in horror at the tattoo and noticed that it was a drawing of Phil and himself with a heart in between them and underneath the words call me = 555-100 427 xo Coulson were sprawled on with a red marker. He opened his drawer and shuffled to see what t-shirt he should wear to cover it up, pulling out his signature white tee. He sprinted to the door to ask Tony if he knew what happened. Trying to open it, he soon realised that something was blocking it's path – it was Coulson passed out on the floor, holding the microphone loosely and some trading cards to sign while drool dripped from his mouth. Steve plumped himself onto the edge of the bed and sighed.

Erik Selvig entered Stark Tower and walked along the shiny tiles of the lobby. JARVIS led him to the nearest elevator, that took him up to the pent house. Selvig opened the door without looking at the rest of the room and hung his scarf up on the silver coat hanger nearby. Then it hit him; empty beer cans scattered on the floor, a baby pool filled with champagne, an eye patch, a hole shaped like Thor in the wall and a tennis set. It was like the battle of New York all over again and Selvig knew right away what happened. He just wanted to congratulate Tony and Pepper for their engagement. So he left a note and hit the road, closing the door a bit hard, making some plaster from the ceiling crumble.

It was afternoon and the crew were still recovering from the previous shindig. But Stark and Pepper were nowhere to be seen.

"Did any of you guys notice that the love birds have flew away from the nest?" Natasha said, more of a statement than a question. She was filling up her 9th cup of coffee and still wasn't feeling 100%. Dragging out a blue leather stool, she sat beside her long known friend Clint.

Clint looked at Natasha, "Please don't tell me that I used my arrows again, last time I shot myself on the knee."

"Dude, I know as little as you do."

And then the stare they exchanged lasted a couple of seconds too long and Bruce whistled.

"Looks like Tony and Pepper aren't the only lovebirds here!" Bruce said, giving an awkward chuckle. As a matter of fact, this was the only joke Bruce had cracked in ages. Natasha gave a warning glare, but of course not too warning, we didn't want the other guy coming out to play did we?

Thor was skyping Jane and as always filled with glee as he did so.

"Jane this _skying_ mortals do is very clever!"

Jane laughed. "Thor sweetie its called SKYPE-ing and yes, we are very clever and you are too."

Thor blushed, "Oh, Jane! You know how to flatter a god don't you!"

The conversation went on and Thor was jolly for this amount of time.

Steve was still feeling his tattoo and the small shots of pain that came when he touched it. He had told the others about it and no surprise, Clint posted it on Instagram.

Soon, the phone rang and JARVIS announced that it was Nick Fury.

"Put him on loudspeaker JARVIS will ya?" Natasha spoke.

Nick's voice blurred through the room as he requested, "Um, guys...," he cleared his throat, you could tell he was hung over, "agents may I please have my eye patch back?!"

"Fine, bring the Helicarrier over and I'll bring it right over, or do you want me to shoot it over with one of my arrows?" Clint joked.

Nick thought. "Option 2, now bring it over because I'm scaring Maria to death. Hey, any of you know where Agent Coulson is?"

"Up in his idea of heaven – or should I say Steve's room?"

"Oh... well be qick OK!" JARVIS hung up.

Natasha shrugged, "I'll give it to him later." She flicked through pages of one of Pepper's wedding catalogs, screwing up her face and putting it down again. "You know the whole wedding thing is not my bag, I'll probably not even find a man who loves me anyway." Bruce chuckled, Clint and Natasha were a couple for sure in his eyes and this was Natasha's hangover talk.

Tony and Pepper arrived after the bell on the elevator rang.

"Where were you?!" Steve stood up and exclaimed.

Tony smiled, "Venue booking!"

Pepper also smiled as her ring sparkled in the sunlight, she did suit it.

Tony sat down on the sofa and poured a drink out. "I had to bribe the guy to give us the best spot, but heres the thing..." Tony slid off the sofa just incase.

Steve ran over and grabbed Tony by the collar, " what Stark?"

Tony gave a fake laugh to try and fill the tension of the _well, we're waiting_ stares he was receiving. "Its kind of on the other side of America..."

Steve gripped harded while the rest of the Avengers tried to register.

"Come on! I've got it covered!" Tony smiled.

Steve let go of the billionaire, Tony sighed in relief to himself.

Tony made shooing gestures. "Now pack up guys, we've got a holiday!"

**Leave a review please and thank ya! Fartinghuman out! **


	2. Chapter 2

**HI! Dude I got the shock of my fangirl life when I got home and looked at the views on this story! 52 views in like... 12 hours! I didn't even get that amount on Avengers Mama Mia in a month! Which brings me to the fact that my Avengers Mama Mia views have rocketed up and got 2 more favs! Sorry, but I don't know if I can keep adding to that one, but I'll see what I can do. **

**Quickest Iron Man 3 review=**

**Died with awesomeness. Swallowed so much flies at the shocking bits. Cried at the ending. Fangirled at the after credit scene.**

**Enjoy dudes and dudesses! =D**

**P.s. This is just a filler chapter! I will most likely get the road trip chapter up next week!**

**Chapter 2**

For Thor, packing was a breeze; all he needed was Mjolnir and a ton of pop tarts, considering that asgardians tended to wear the same thing. Jane knew what Thor was like and she snuck into his room t5o check his suitcase while he took a shower. Looking to see if the coast was clear, she tip toed to the black bag dumped on the bed filled with pop tarts and a toothbrush, she shook her head and slipped out the pile of XL clothes she was hiding in his drawer and stuffed it in, taking out a box of pop tarts. As soon as she heard the water in the shower turn off, she zipped up the bag and sprinted out the door, bringing the pop tarts with her. Thor came out of the bathroom in his favourite Mickey Mouse towel and Jane discovered he was oblivious to her break-in. She took a rewarding bite of one of the pop tarts and grinned, "I guess Thor was right, these are good!"

Bruce looked at his watch as he impatiently stood at the bathroom door. Barton had been "getting ready" for the past hour and a half and Bruce had to get washed, the road trip was in a couple of hours and he still hadn't packed. He thought Clint would be out soon and he would be ready and packed in no time, after all, all he needed to bring on holiday was lots and lots of spare clothes in case there was an incident. He only remembered that he was only in his trousers as Tony walked past.

"Will ya look at who's rocking the Jacob Black look now? You know you are the last person I would expect to be standing around with his shirt off." Stark smiled and walked (or strutted should I say) on.

Bruce rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his dark locks exasperatedly.

"Come on this is getting ridiculous." He mumbled under his breath as he looked up at the ceiling, he was starting to get twitchy and more self-conscious to the fact that he was out in the open with no shirt on. The scientist sighed and looked at his watch for the 48th time- and counting.

Nick Fury hated packing, that's exactly why he got Maria to do it for him. Coulson was still grieving over the fact that Tony had banned him from joining them on their long vacation after his recent stint at the party, which was surprising as he thought Tony would want to see Steve get tortured during the entire holiday. But Stark mentioned that the last thing he wanted was more of his karaoke at the wedding reception. Nick was too lost in the idea that he had ridden the Helicarrier for years and wasn't prepared to let the Avengers find out that he was severely car sick. Last timer he rode a cab was when he was 17. There was more vomit coming out of him than the amount of water coming out of Niagara Falls, the driver didn't know what hit him and Fury didn't want the same to happen with his fellow agents. Maria finished arranging Nick's things in alphabetical order, over and over again, "just to be sure" as he told her to do. She tossed the bag violently at the one eyed guy.

"Now Nicky, what do you say to the nice woman who very kindly packed your stupid bags?" She said as if she was talking to a 2 year old.

'Do you want your job or not?" Fury said.

Maria quickly saluted him and said, "Anything for you Director Fury!" So the agent dashed out the door, really wanting to keep her job.

Nick chuckled loudly, "Works every time!"

Natasha and Clint were ready to go, but Natasha had some unfinished business to sort out.

"Oh God I'm bursting to got to the toilet." She announced, bobbing up and down as she tried to hold it in.

"Then go." Clint replied. He was lying on the sofa with his arms resting behind the back of his head.

Natasha couldn't hold it in any longer. "OK, hold my guns." The spy started unloading guns from her pockets, jeans, inside her jacket and even her hair and dumped them on Clint's lap one by one.

Clint laughed, "What do you need all those for? Its not like we're gonna get attacked by HYDRA is it?"

Natasha stabbed him with her sharp stare.

There was another hour until the trip and he was trying not to show his excitement, especially after he was told about different Avengers probably sharing the different houses by the lake and he was wondering who he would be paired with.

To be honest Steve couldn't be happier about the news that Coulson was not coming on holiday, even how mean that sounded. He just wanted a nice chill out holiday without being reminded about anything to do with war or battles. And for once he was kind of looking forward to seeing Tony happy . Also he couldn't remember the last time he had a proper good time with the people he knew, it would be quite refreshing to let out his inner child. He swung his khaki sports bag around his shoulders and headed downstairs to meet up with his team mates in the pent house.

Tony had his designer sunglasses perched on his nose bridge as he was leaning against the door frame while the Avengers assembled. Tony and Pepper's bags were already in the RV and Stark had a mini button fiddling in his hand, which was a small version of JARVIS in case he needed him. He started clapping his hands together as he shouted, "Come on children, let's go!"

The other Avengers rolled their eyes and dragged all the luggage outside the building, only to see Tony smiling. "Wanna see the ride?"

Tony ripped off his sunglasses and used them to indicate the awesome vehicle in front of them. If you listened carefully you would surely hear some jaws drop to the pavements, as they witnessed the red and gold RV that easily matched the size of a bus.

"Hop in!" Tony shouted cheerfully, raising his hands in the air.

And soon they all dived into the wonder ride as tony put his arms around Pepper's waist, kissing her quickly on the mouth and sat at the drivers seat with Steve.

The fun was about to begin.


	3. ROADTRIP!

**END OF ALL THE HARD EXAMS! Now to deliver you the lightyear long wait I left you dudes and dudesses with. The official road trip chapter! I'm actually quite nervous about what you guys might think of it! But, ever since it is near summer I will be uuuuuuppppppllllllooooooaaaaaaddddddiiiiiinnnnnngg gggg!**

**And to finish the summer off with an awesome hulk smash, I will be granting you with your fanfic wish (But it has to involve the Avengers or Star Trek 2009) so get voting on the options on my profile page!**

**LIVE LONG AND PROSPER DUDES AND DUDESSES!**

**Chapter 3**

Tony and Steve were at the wheel of the dream ride on the road of the well...not-so-dream traffic. The Avengers were bored and covering their noses.

"Oh man! Thor! Why?!" Clint muffled loudly under his shirt.

Thor chuckled. This kind of fart was nothing to him. "Maybe I should take you to Asgard then! Father Odin would love to show you his gas skills!"

Clint turned away as Thor let it rip. It was those darn cinnamon flavoured poptarts that just set him off.

This reminded Bruce of a particular occasion in 2008. "Hey, this kinda reminds me of Culver University when that freak your old man hired threw those gas canisters at me." His voice sounded like Squidward's because of his was nose pinched by a nose peg to hide the God of Thunder fart. The fart certainly sounded like thunder.

Betty grinned as she linked her arm into his.

Tony was fed up. He had to find out what the heck was going on.

"Um Stark, I wouldn't go there if I were you. There's the cops and they've got their guns." Steve urged.

"I'm Tony Stark." The genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist stated, as if all the world's troubles would stop when he wanted. He slid on his signature shades and opened the door to exit the RV.

Clint sprinted clumsily up the RV, this was his chance to get some beloved air. He didn't care if it was car fumes, they were better than the Asgardian gas. Sadly Tony stepped out of the vehicle and shut the door as soon as Clint got close to the driver's seats, Clint collapsed to the floor, dramatically kicking and screaming as he still held his shirt to his nostrils. Thor did a stereo typical evil cackle.

Steve hated the smell and he was losing it as his eyes glared at the commotion both in front and behind him; Tony frustrated as he tried to reason with the cops, Natasha face-palming at the sight of Clint's drama queen side and the noise of all the ear piercing car horns echoing in his ears.

Enough was enough.

"SHUT UP!..."

Thor froze, his poptart half in his mouth, shocked at Cap's outburst.

"!..."

The whole gang blinked in unison.

"!..."

Clint finally had the balls to say something, "Dude, keep your hair on, the Super Soldier stuff didn't turn you into Hulk just yet."

Steve shot the Hawk a stare so sharp that it would of cut him in half, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHUTUPPPPPP!"

Clint let out a terrified mouse squeak as he scurried to the corner, but the captain just marched closer. Clint hid his face, letting out another squeak.

Steve ripped Clint's hands away from his face, he said in the Loki like voice...only not in the accent, "Look you useless, annoying, waste of space-y bas-"

Steve was out like a flash as the electrical rays sent him lying on the ground like roadkill. Of course it was Natasha's widow stings.

As Steve was sprawled at the Widow's feet, Clint looked up at her, "Mama?" he spoke in a scared kiddy voice.

Nick snuck behind Natasha and snapped some shots of the soldier on his phone. But Natasha pointed her gun at him, Nick surrendered and sat on the nearest chair.

Tony strutted in rubbing his hands together in delight, he obviously won the argument with the police men. The quietness got to him, then he saw the scene.

"What did I miss?"

/

Late at night the Avengers were finally out off the traffic and well on the road. Steve was still lying in the same spot unconscious and the others just chatted like nothing to do with yelling, screaming and electrocuting happened at all. Well.. except for Clint, who was curled up in Natasha's arm and sucking his thumb.

Bruce was awkwardly napping beside Betty, who was silently laughing hysterically at the sound of his snoring. He forgot to take out his nose peg so he was just letting out a bunch of Squidward snores.

Natasha was treating Clint like a little boy, "Now Cwint, who's gonna be a good boy and filwim Bwuce for Youtube?"

Clint whipped his phone out of his pocket as if he were a Texas cowboy whipping out a gun.

The Hawk was finding good angles to film, urging people to move, standing on chairs and even lying on top of Betty, who soon gave him a good slap up the gub.

Rubbing his face, he smiled, At least he got awesome material!

"Hey Tony!" Yelled Jane.

"What." Tony said bluntly.

"Can we eat?"

Tony thought.

The Avengers arrived at the nearest 24 hour Burger King.

Tony gestured for the others to leave the RV and so they all did. When they found a table, Captain entered the burger joint looking left and right to see where his friends (and Clint) were. He finally sat down beside Bruce.

Awkward.

Tony tried to fill in the awkward silence, he rubbed his hands together.

"Soooooooooooooo...who wants to order!"

Yet again, there was another awkward silence.

Tony sighed, "I guess I will."

He dragged himself up to the counter with a look that could sour sugar.

A woman who looked about the age of 28 stood at his service as she chewed bubble gum boisterously. It appeared that both sides of the counter didn't want to be there.

"Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order please?" She recited the lines that were clearly rehearsed blandly.

Tony didn't ask what the others wanted because he just wasn't bothered to remember over 6 orders, so being Tony Stark, he ordered what he wanted.

"I'll have 12 XL bacon double cheese burgers with pickles."

The woman typed the order into the till and muttered under her breath, "Don't mind saying please."

Tony lowered his sunglasses to his nose bridge and froze. "What was that you just said?"

"Nothing." The woman gulped as she hesitantly stared at her feet to avoid the intimidating glare of the one and only Iron man. She quickly changed the topic.

"That will be... $24 please."

He didn't care how much it cost for the 12 burgers so he handed the woman a $50 bill.

"Um... sir here is your change...$26." she neared her handful of cash towards Tony.

"Keep it, you could do with some extra customer service classes."

Tony then strutted off with his order and plonked it down on the table. He started giving out the burgers one by one.

"One for you...one for you...one for you..."

Jane lay her eyes on the burger in front oh her. "No fries?"

"Just eat the thing." Tony sharply replied.

"Not even a drink..." Steve uttered out.

The billionaire stopped paused, put his spare hand on his hip and let out a really loud sigh. "Just. Eat. The .Damn. Burger."

Pepper shot over a glance to the rest of the guys to cut it out as it appeared that Tony was about to take a hissy fit.

The distant music blurred out of the speakers attached to the ceiling. Along with the music the sound of chewing and swallowing filled the empty restaurant.

Thor started to screw up his face as he chewed his burger. Soon the demi-god began to dramatically spit out the substances in his mouth.

"WHAT IS THIS DISGUSTING MIDGARDIAN T-T-TTHING?!" Thor roared as he grabbed Mjolnir.

Natasha rolled her eyes at the diva, "Pickles, Thor."

"CURSE THOU PICKLES! THOU MUST FEEL THE WRATH OF MJOLNIR!" Soon he started banging his hammer violently on the ground, splatting pickles all over the place. Betty was disturbed by the sight of Thor's chewed food being thrown everywhere and felt something coming up.

She clutched Bruces's arm, "Oh God... I think I'm about to -"

Bruce was then engulfed by waves of Betty's vomit, another disturbing sight.

"Will everyone take a chill pill!" Nick boomed over the panicked noises.

For Thor that was just something he couldn't do.

In the background some members of staff were off to get security, but Thor marched to the counter where the woman who served Tony stood.

"I DEMAND TO SEE THE BURGER KING!" He screamed at her.

The woman looked confused and as if she was about to crap her pants.

Thor saw her confusion, "THE KING OF BURGERS MIDGARDIAN!"

She dashed into a room behind her and gestured for a middle aged man with the name Mark to come over. His label read _Manager_.

Even though Thor towered above him, the manager was fearless and he just folded his arms and looked at Thor.

"HOW DARE THOU TRY TO POISON MY MEAL THEE MIDGARDIAN PEST!" The God of Thunder shouted.

"Sir, we did not try to poison you, you ordered pickles, so you got pickles."

Thor was about to speak ,but the manager just put his hand up to Thor's face, signaling him to shut up. Thor gripped the man's hand and began to twist his arm making the manager yelp cries of agony.

Tony was face palming, Clint was filming, Betty was throwing up, Bruce was trying to prevent Betty _from _throwing up and most of the others followed Nick back to the RV in embarrassment. Next, Jane got everyone else to go to the RV while she went to get something very personal to Thor.

Soon a crowd of staff formed in a rush to help the manager and for some, just to enjoy the scene.

Jane stood at the front of the vehicle and held a box of chocolate poptarts near the wheels. Steve honked the horn to get the god's attention, but Jane didn't care how much it might wreck her eardrums.

Thor glanced at the RV.

Jane screamed, "THOR! IF YOU DON'T LET THAT MAN GO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SACRAFICE YOUR POPTARTS!"

To add to it Steve turned on the engine, showing Thor that she was telling the truth.

He let go of the manager, leaving him sprawled out on the floor and yelling, "HE'S BROKE IT!"

Thor gave the staff a final word, "I will not come to this... this... dump again!"

Giving a far-out flick of his cape he stomped out of the exit and into the RV where the Avengers met him with a _what-was-that-all-about _stares.

Meanwhile in the midst of the happenings in the restaurant, a employee labeled Stan Lee spoke to his fellow worker, "Zees, cosplayers – what are they smokin' nowadays huh?"

/

The next morning, the Avengers were driving along the middle of nowhere.

Tony then pulled the vehicle over on a nearby patch of sandy land.

"Um... Tony what are you doing?" Pepper questioned her fiance.

Tony relaxed more on his luxury driver's seat and happily folded his arms. "Well, considering that we've been driving all night, we all deserve a little break at sunrise don't you think?"

Of course the Avengers were kind of curious to find out what Tony had planned, and he took out an empty whiskey flask and placed it on the floor.

Pepper gave him a look, but Tony replied with a smile, "Keep your hair on sweetie, it was empty, I swear on all of my cars."

Pepper realised that it was a thing worth swearing on, considering that Tony had a life long love for his "babies". So she sat down, satisfied with his answer.

"OK guys! Who wants to play a little game of, spin the flask?" Enthusiasm poured out of the man.

They didn't really have any choice, so they decided to get on with it.

Tony grabbed the bottle and spun it with force, chanting lines such as "who's it gonna be!" or making noises such as "oooooooooooooooooooooooooo!".

First up was Steve.

"Bruce I want you to ask him a question!" Tony beamed.

Bruce hesitated, "Uh...um...like what?"

"Anything!"

He nervously rung his hands together. "Uh...what was your favourite subject at school?"

Steve thought for a moment while Tony sighed as if to say _why ask such a boring question?_.

"I would say the history of America, I think it was because I thought there was nothing better than learning about where you came from and - " Steve was cut off.

"OK Steve we're not at the White House here, so lets move." Tony spun the flask again, this time landing on Natasha.

"Lets skip to the next person..." Tony tried to spin the flask again but was stopped by the force of Natasha's hand.

"Why are you skipping me?"

Tony tried to spin it but was stopped by Natasha again.

"Why?" Natasha spoke coldly and in an urging tone.

Tony gave an awkward laugh, "So, who wants to give Natasha a question?"

A couple of minutes later there was still no answer.

Natasha just sat down, "Fine then, I'll let you guys think."

Then the bottle landed on Nick Fury.

"Well everybody. I think its time we changed it to a dare this time huh?" Tony was smiling as he said this.

Next thing Nick was sitting on the side seats of the RV with no shirt on and no eye patch. "Very funny Stark! Very motherf-ing funny!"

The sight of Nick with no eye patch on was bad enough, but to see him with no shirt on was going the extra mile!

After a trial of normal questions such as "How did you find the movie _Titanic?", _"What is your favourite food?", "What was the name of your 4th grade teacher?" and of course the most annoying question, "What is your favourite colour?", Tony got VERY bored and was thinking _why are my super, kick butt superheroes asking such lame questions?!_

At long last the flask landed on the Hawk.

Tony grinned from ear to ear, this was the moment he was waiting for, this was why he wanted to skip Natasha's turn!

"I'll ask the question this time!" Tony sprinted over to the pair.

He told them their dare,"I want you to have a staring competition!"

Natasha looked shocked, "That's it!?"

Tony walked to the driver's seat again and went over the rules, " OK! You both have to look right into each other's eyes and...move in a bit closer...a bit more..."

The pair awkwardly moved closer to each other.

"There!" Tony continued.

Tony counted to three and they began.

The other Avengers were intrigued by who was going to win, after all they were two master assassins.

Nick started to look more closely at Natasha with his one good eye, he noticed something...he thought..._but it couldn't be_...he thought again _wait, was Natasha going red?!_

The competition was intense and there was no sign of any losers yet.

All Natasha could see was Clint's icy blue eyes and the amount of mystery in them.

All Clint could see was Natasha's deep blue crystals of eyes that had a glimmer that he didn't normally notice in them.

The tension was building and building...

"NOW KISS!" The two assassins felt their faces being pushed into each other's as Tony grabbed their heads. It was all a plan to get them to kiss each other and it was sneaky.

Natasha and Clint tried to hide their embarrassment.

Tony just thought _Jackpot!_

_/_

"Natasha, are you sure you can drive this thing? I mean... we could get Nick to drive it." Pepper asked Natasha, who was only volunteering because she was too embarrassed to sit beside Clint after Tony's stunt earlier.

Natasha needed to focus on driving, "Of course I can Pepper. If I can fly a damn quinjet then don't you think I can drive a damn RV?"

Pepper decided to lay off, she knew what the Black Widow was capable of when she wasn't in a sunny mood.

Clint was getting over the event too by looking at photos of his major celebrity love – Scarlett Johansson. Steve was taking a break from driving and sat beside Clint. He took a look at what he was doing on his phone.

"How are you getting internet when your way out here?" Steve was secretly proud that he remembered what the internet was.

Clint smiled, "Dude, with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s technology nowadays you can get internet on the moon."

Steve saw the photos of Scarlett Johansson on every part of Clint's device, he saw a sudden resemblance between a certain Avenger.

"Hey... it might just be me...but don't you think she looks a bit like Natasha?"

Clint gave Steve a hard punch on the shoulder, "No she does not! She looks nothing like Natasha! What makes you even think that!"

Steve put his hands in a surrendering position. Fellow Avengers looked their way as to what was going on.

Thor walked over to the scene and glanced at the phone. He gave a massive grin and a laugh that would shatter steel, "OH! THE SOLDIER IS CORRECT! THE MAIDEN LOOKS THE IMAGE OF MISS ROMANOFF!"

Clint huffed and turned away from the pair, he couldn't take the attention and he didn't believe Natasha looked a thing like Scarlett as he thought no one could look as pretty as the actress.

Of course Natasha could hear every word said behind her, but she pretended not to notice them. She also had seen the actress and she personally thought she had a resemblance too. This was distracting her.

"HOLY COW!" Jane screamed, "Natasha hit the brakes!"

Natasha soon saw the creature ahead of them. Jane was right, because right there was a spotted bull standing peacefully in the middle of the road. She quickly hit the brake and did some swearing that would put Gordon Ramsey to shame. Bruce was appalled, he knew Natasha was fluent in almost every language there ever was, but that was one language no one wanted to be fluent in.

The Avengers sighed with relief at what just happened.

Tony decided to laugh, "Ha! Mooooooooooooooo!"

Pepper wasn't happy, she had planned a schedule to get to the villa at a certain time, this was a big set back.

"Does any of you Avengers have any animal communication powers or something so we can move on here?!" Pepper said impatiently.

Steve decided to step up to the challenge, he had previous experience with talking to wild animals, in that case – Tony Stark.

The Super Soldier cautiously stepped out of the RV to get close to the bull.

"Nice bull, that's a nice bull." He was a bit fearful, after all the bull was near the size of him and that would be hard.

Tony was enjoying what was going on, "Hey Clint! Get this on film would ya?!"

Pepper gave Tony a warning look.

"Ssssssssshhhh! Tony keep quiet or you'll scare the poor thing." She whispered.

Steve started to pat the bull on the back and closed his eyes to brace what was to come next. Steve slowly opened his eyes and was surprised to see that the animal had grown fond of him and was... hugging him.

The rest of the Avengers weren't experts in animal behaviour, but they knew that no bull would stand up and hug someone.

The Super Soldier was confused until he heard something being unzipped and the bull's skin was sliding to the ground only to reveal who the creature really was - Coulson!

Tony and many others' jaws hit the floor and Clint kept his camera running.

Soon Coulson jumped on Steve while Steve cried for help.

"Zees! This is like Tumblr all over again!" Tony exclaimed.

Thor and Bruce dashed out of the RV to retrieve Steve from the fanboy who was hugging him like crazy and you guessed it...asked to sign more trading cards.

"Quick Steve grab my hand!" Bruce shouted.

Natasha was told to start the engine and drive. Steve was sprinting towards the moving vehicle and Bruce held his hands out melodramatically.

Eventually Captain America grabbed Bruce's hand and was pulled aboard with the help of the God of Thunder.

"CLOSE THE DAMN DOORS YOU IDIOTS!" Nick didn't want the stalker to board the RV, even if it was his fellow colleague Phil.

After the doors were closed Steve collapsed on one of the chairs and breathed heavy sighs of relief. But the frenzy wasn't over yet and they still weren't safe yet.

Natasha sped up as they saw that Coulson had disappeared, then there was footsteps on the roof.

"He better not scrape off any of that paint on my roof!" Tony was too worried about the possible damage to his dream-ride.

Betty curled up to Bruce, "Honey, I'm scared!"

Bruce held her tight as the speed of the RV kept rising.

"Natasha if we go any faster then we'll be going Back to the Future!" Clint tried to tell the Black Widow.

All of a sudden Phil was hanging upside down on the windscreen, Pepper started to scream, "Natasha turn the window wipers on!"

The instruction was followed and soon Phil was dodging the possible head injury.

Thor started bawling as soon as the RV began to swurve around, "JANE! JANE! JANE IF WE CRASH THEN SAVE THE POPTARTS BEFORE ME!"

Jane tried to reach Thor but tripped over Stark's foot, leaving her on the ground trying to get up.

Thor immediately started having a go at Tony and things got a bit rough when the two of them started getting into a brawl.

The RV began going through a forest at full speed, hitting trees and plants left, right and centre. To the Avengers horror they saw a lake ahead of them.

Many shrieked and jumped into each other's arms (including Thor) and Stark was in tears at what was going to happen to his precious dream-ride.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAA AAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHH!

The RV was sinking fast in the water and there was a moment of frantic screams and shouts and attempts to escape.

"_Near, far, where ever you are_..." The lyrics of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On blasted throughout the area. "Clint would you turn off the damn phone!"

Clint commanded Pepper's orders and dashed towards the exit and bumped into Natasha.

"Clint you go first!" Natasha shouted.

Clint gave her a look, "Nat you go first!"

"But -"

"NAT GO!" Clint made sure she left.

Fortunately all of the Avengers made it ashore.

Unfortunately the RV sank to it's grave in the lake.

"My b – b – baby!" Tony broke down and ran into Pepper's arms as the last of the RV sunk making a plopping noise.

Phil breathed heavily as he realised something, "M- m -my t- t- t-..."

The Avengers were waiting for the end of the sentence.

"t- t- t- t- t- t- t- t- t- t- t- t- t- t-"

This was getting ridiculous.

" T- t TRADING CARDS!"

Bruce and Thor held the agent back from jumping into the water and getting them while he screamed extremely loud.

Tony wore a traumatic look on his face. He stood there for a moment.

Soon, the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist fell to to his knees in the mud and stretched his arms out.

"WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

Then to make matters worse the rain came pouring down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi!**

**Sorry for another delay for an update! I was on holiday and sadly the place I was at didn't have internet. :(**

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**-fartinghuman out!**

Chapter 4

Tony had always wished that he would get a parking space at the villa which would leave plenty of room for some fun in the sun, but this was a bit of a "be careful what you wish for" moment as the lake left plenty of room for them to muck about.

The villa was HUGE. There was a main white rock house surrounded by a cluster of wooden cabins, which complimented the lakeside theme.

The Avengers arrived at the front door of the main building, gaping at the size of the site. As Pepper shuffled in a wrecked Tony Stark's pocket for the keys, the rain still pelted, much to Thor's misfortune.

"AAAARRRGGGHHH! THIS MERE MIDGARDIAN SKY WATER IS DESTROYING MY LUMINOUS LOCKS! IT LOOKS SO...flat." Thor took a tantrum as he stroked his blonde hair.

Tony was still a mess after the loss of his beautiful RV, and Thor's hair was the least of his worries, "Oh put a sock in it Pointbreak! At least you've got a ride with your hammer...dogear."

Thor sighed with fed up-ness. "Its YALL-NEAR! Why would my weapon be named after a midgardian pet?"

"You know, guys, I don't really know how the hell we're all gonna get home because grabbing onto Barbie over here's legs," he pointed at Thor, "isn't gonna turn out sweet!" Tony got continously agitated, along with the demi-god.

Pepper let everyone in as soon as she could, after all, Tony Stark didn't mix that much with Thor while in a bad mood...or anyone really.

Steve glided his feet on the ground as he strolled along the new living room that was about the size of his apartment. He was still a bit freaked out after yet another Coulson incident, but he didn't blame the guy, like him he recently went through a rather miraculous ressurection, so of course Coulson would want to live a little.

Pepper whispered something in Tony's ear about being more enthusiastic to the other Avengers. Tony stood on the mahogany wooden table in front of him as he loudly cleared his throat. "Attention. Attention," Tony's voice totally lacked enthusiasm, "guys, the rooms are upstairs so if you want to, you can pick one and decorate it. The paint's in the store room to your left."

Stark stepped off the table half wanting a round of applause or something to show that they were even listening to him.

Soon there was a mad scramble up the stairs, with Thor pushing everyone out of his way, "CLEAR A PATH MIDGARDIANS! FUTURE KINGS MUST TAKE FIRST PICK!"

Bruce leaned against the banister, clutching onto Betty's hand as he tried to contain himself. This p-ed Betty off.

"Hey Barbie!" Betty defended Bruce.

The asgardian turned his body to see the angry brunette giving him the death stare. "I AM SORRY DEAR MAIDEN...BUT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS."

"You pushed Bruce near the edge of the stairs, do you want him to fall or even hulk out? Before you know it we probably won't even have a damn house to live in! Now say sorry!"

Thor rolled his eyes with asgardian sass. "I'M SORRY MR. BANNER," he gave Bruce a sympathetic look as Bruce gave an awkward nod in return, "BUT DEAR MAIDEN I WOULD LIKE THEE TO APOLIGISE FOR CALLING ME 'BARBIE' AS IT IS NOT MY NAME."

"Sorry." Betty quickly uttered as she march up the stairs, still gripping Bruce's hand.

Natasha crossed her arms, "And I thought Banner was the mad one."

The Avengers were quite confused to see that there was only four doors along the tiny corridor they stood in. You would think it was a corridor full of meerkats considering the amount of head turning there was until finally Stark and Pepper realised the confusion.

"OK. These four doors lead to your cabins. You guys have to pair up in fours and share a cabin, but for fun I'll be the one picking." You could see a grin spreading across his face, this was cheering the billionaire up. "Come on children line up!" Tony was clapping his hands as if he were a school teacher.

The group dragged themselves into a line while groaning with fed up-ness.

Tony started to pace up and down the line with his arms folded like a boss.

"Right so...Natasha...Clint...Steve ...and...Nick, you guys go to cabin number uno over there." To be honest the genius was sort of getting tired of the whole Coulson and Steve stuff so that was why he split them up, much to Steve's happiness.

"Bruce...Betty...Thor...and Jane, you guys go over to cabin number two."

"Me and Pepper will have a cabin to ourselves...so that leaves us with Phil. Sorry Phil, but you'll be on your own tonight in cabin number four." Tony didn't sound very sympathetic, but at least he gave Phil a pat on the back as he walked to cabin four.

As they walked through the open doors each of them saw a dark stairwell to yet another door littered with cobwebs and crumbled bits of plaster from the walls and ceiling.

Thor grabbed Jane's arm as they approached the spiders as he always had a bit of a phobia of them.

Jane smiled, "It's OK Thor, there not gonna hurt you."

Thor gave a timid gulp,"O...O..OK."

Jane rubbed his arm comfortingly while they carefully went down the steps.

The cabins were rather...smaller than the Avengers anticipated. There were two bunks, a TV, a stereo and a couple of drawers for their clothes.

Clint leaned against the doorframe, "So. Who's gonna share bunks?"

"I'll go with Nick I guess." Steve suggested.

"All right "roomies" lets get this straight, I snore like a chain saw, so I would better get used to it." Nick said.

Natasha chuckled, "Well I guess we're lucky that we're not with Thor! You'd think it was a damn tremor when he sleeps. I feel sorry for Jane. And Bruce."

Clint dashed up the mini ladder. "Top bunk's mine!"

Natasha rolled her eyes and couldn't help smile.

Nick saw another Clintasha signal calling out to him.

"Um...Sir, why are you looking at Clint and Natasha so weirdly?" Steve asked.

Nick soon snapped out of the thought. "Just start unpacking already motherf-er! Now go!"

It was after dinner and Tony missed one thing. His precious bar.

"Hey Bruce d'ya mind comin' down the road to the corner store, I need a Jack."

Bruce paused, "Ah...sure, let me get my coat.

Soon the Science Bros were walking down the dusty lanes ahead with their breathe turning into small clouds of steam as it was a pretty cold night. They talked what they usually talked about (science) with of course some puns from Tony.

The street ahead of them consisted of a cowboy-like bar, a grocery store, a souvenir shop and an off-license alongside some more shops selling things such as clothes etc.

The men walked into the off-license to purchase the much wanted bottle of Jack. As they browsed the shelves, they also kept their cover as they didn't necessarily want to be too recognizable. Sadly the Avengers were always on the watch for fangirls, especially after a recent incident involving Steve losing his shirt in public.

Stark swiftly lifted the litre bottle and headed for the counter but there was to men in front of him.

One of the two men appeared to be dressed in a coat, a cuddly jumper and a pair of jeans, he also had light brown hair.

The other bloke was taller and had a low voice. He was dressed in a long coat, a scarf and he had his hair in curls.

"You...looking all cool with your collar up like that..." The man gave an awkward chuckle soon to be stopped when the other man stared at him.

"You know...bringing home some alcohol to our flat …...won't people think we are ….y'know...together?"

"Problem?" The fellow quickly yet charismatically replied.

The brown haired man stared.

"John, we are clearly having a drink to discuss what we are going to do next with our investigations, nothing else," The man started to pace while talking to John. "and whiskey is usuallly the drink for a bad day, a social sip while chatting with your golf buddies or even something to ease pain. Not normally would such a beverage be considered as a "date night" drink. Elementary dear Watson."

"Uh..OK." John replied as he looked down at his feet.

Soon the pair were served their bottle of Grant's Scottish Whiskey. The shopkeeper shuffled some coins out of the till and counted them one by one.

"Here you go lads, one fifty, exact change." He handed Sherlock the change with a look of pride for counting the change right on his face.

Sherlock gazed at the coins in the palm of his hand, he looked up at the shopkeeper labeled "Martin". "The fact that you said "exact change" isn't necessarily exact young man..."

"Sherlock..." John was face-palming.

The detective continued. "Well the maney John gave you was a ten dollar note, a five dollar note both with the face of Mr President George Washington in the middle, the ten made on the 7th Novenmber 2003 and the five made on the 19th June 2001. If you gave me three fifty cent coins, all made in 1998 then its not exact as a) they are coins not notes and b) if the change were exact, then they would be made on the same date. Basically you could of just said that you gave us the exact _amount_ of change. Obvious?"

The shopkeeper Martin just blinked at Sherlock in shock, then at John who gave him the "he always does that" look.

Martin the shopkeeper looked at Sherlock again. "Get the hell outta my shop Mr. London England and your little buddy too!"

Sherlock turned to walk out the door and spotted Tony and Bruce. "Iron man and the Incredible Hulk, I'm guessing you're on holiday about...well judging by the specks of dust and dirt in your shoes and your heart rate watch...about...one mile and exactly twenty two metres, 15 centimetres away or I could just say eighteen streets and three houses away. Right?"

Before the Science Bros could answer the mastermind detective Martin marched to the door at swung it open, "I SAID OUT!"

After an approximate two point eighty five second stare Sherlock swiftly glided out the door, followed by John who gave the pair another awkward smile-nod.

The pair of hereos paid for their drink and walked home in silence and awe at the British lad and his intellect.

After a small-ish party in the main house, some cheesy love speeches about Pepper and one too many glasses of Jack Daniels, the Avengers decided to call it a night.

Clint, Natasha, Nick and Steve hopped into there bunk beds, whereas Betty, Bruce, Jane and Thor did the same, only Thor did it louder and Bruce more awkwardly.

Tony and Pepper cuddled up in there double bed in their cabin, which appeared far more luxurious than the others and they gave each other a sloppy drunken kiss goodnight.

Meanwhile, Coulson walked into his rather lonely room, closed the door, slipped out his secret bottle of Bacardi and his photos of both Steve and his precious car Lola, poured a glass and blared the song All By Myself from his stereo while doing some annoying singing along and half sobbing.

In a rather Walton's style, the Avengers exchanged goodnights,"Goodnight Steve."

"Goodnight Natasha."

"Goodnight Tony."

"Goodnight Clint."

"Goodnight Bruce."

"GOODNIGHT JANE!"

Goodnight Thor."

"Goodnight Coulson."

"Have a good non-lonely night everyone!" Coulson sobbed.

"Goodnight Pepper."

"Goodnight Nick."

"For God's sake goodnight everyone! Now get the f- to sleep motherf-ers!"

**For those people reading who don't know who the Walton's are, Google it! :)**

**Hope you enjoyed that chapter!**

**I also hope you enjoyed the special guests too! XD**

**You never know I might add a special guest in every chapter! Leave a review to say who you want to appear in the next chapter!**

**You guys are all AWESOME and there will be more Clintasha in the next chapter! :)**

**Thank you Dudes and Dudesses! xD**


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